Saturday, April 09, 2011

So Long

A month plus after the post on Christmas dinner plans, my beloved grandma passed away. 2 days after my birthday. So obviously, the dinner never happened, because it was around that time she fell ill, hospitalized, got better, discharged, then her condition just suddenly spiraled downwards, she couldn’t eat, couldn’t walk, couldn’t sleep, and then she bade farewell…

It was tough for all of us. Outwardly we say consoling things like oh, it’s for the better, she’s been suffering, now she need not go through all these pain anymore, she’s in heaven, she’s free now blah blah. But deep down, who could ever see your loved ones go?

I kept putting off updating this space, because I just can’t bring myself to write about the loss of my grandma – the person who took care and raised me since I was a wee newborn while my parents worked so hard to make sure there’s food on the table for all of us. She’s the most selfless, dedicated, and hardworking person I’ve ever met. She’d rather go hungry than seeing others without food. That’s her way of loving us – by making sure we get the best food, best shelter, best care. OK except that time when she put butter in her coffee while a chubby me looked on in wide eyed wonder hoping I’d get a taste and then she said “not for you. Too fattening.” /glass shatters/ T_T

Haiks. She’s the one who tucked us in at night and nursed us back to health when we were sick. Tell us stories about her birthplace in Jamaica and the adventure migrating to Malaysia, and how she survived the 日本时代 – the days under Japanese’ ruling – as she’d called it. She’s also the one who’d chase us around the house with a rotan with her booming hakka lady voice threatening to wallop us because we poured talcum powder all over the floor in the guest room and glided around bare footed, thus making a mess, while we hid behind the sofa giggling away seeing her panting for breath. Hah, good old days. The days when she was still strong and healthy and mighty, and loud! She was this… super grandma!

Eh, seriously, I can’t believe it! It’s been more than 3 months now and I still cannot write this without crying myself a river like a fool! T_T

Ah well, she’s gone now. For good. For real. Forever. No tears can ever bring her back.

Ah Nei, I thank God for sending you to me… or, me to you. You have been such a blessing to all of us at home. Our Kelana Inn will never be the same without you there now, but we will learn to move on bravely – just as how you have bravely embraced all the challenges that came your way in your entire life without grumbling and how willingly you dedicated your life to us, giving us the best you can ever summoned. Thank you. I will definitely see you again when my time’s up too, in heaven. For now, rest by Him and bask in His Glory! I love you so much!!!

Your love has brought up 3 generations, and counting! RIP now, Ah Nei.


Anggie's Journal said...

you bring tear to me ...... :"( i miss my ah mah as always ... what u hv wrote just touch my heart as my grandma who raised me when i was a baby. i guess people like us only will understand truly how important they r to us and how we miss them truly everyday ... it always a big hole in me no matters how and anything can fill that hole in my heart ...

take k .... Hug hug to you .

Leishia J said...

my heart ache too when i read your post about your grandma. it's been half a year now! and everytime i thought of her my eyes just automatically get wet. haiks. life's like that huh, anggie.

anyway thanks for your consolation. i really appreciate it! do take care and enjoy every moment with your loved ones :)