Thursday, July 20, 2006


A peep into John M Gottman’s The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work (taken from my favorite website):

What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple. Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.

Couples simply have different styles of conflict. Some avoid fights at all costs, some fight a lot, and some are able to “talk out” their differences and find a compromise without ever raising their voices. No one style is necessarily better than the other- as long as the style works for both people. Couples can run into trouble if one partner
always wants to talk about the conflict while the other just wants to watch the playoffs.

… one of the most surprising truths about marriage: Most marital arguments cannot be resolved.

The key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not in how you handle disagreements but in how you are with each other when you’re not fighting. So although my Seven Principles will also guide you in coping with conflict, the foundations of my approach is to strengthen the friendship that is at the heart of any marriage.

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