So long ass, I can be hardback cover writer liow...24th February 2007
Today is the day my mom decided all of us at home is not hardworking enough. And so she also decided that we should get our asses to work, serve, and spread some foodie love.
She threw an open house. Not just a party, a gathering, a dinner party; no, nothing of that kiddie sorts. An open house. Open. House.
I understand that the term open house is very unique to Malaysian community, whereby mostly during festive seasons, such as Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali, Christmas, etc, etc; important people like our Prime Minister would throw an “Open House”, where everyone, rakyat or none rakyat alike, are welcome to his house. In the name of bonding, people do come rendering their support, but sadly, a lot of them also come fighting for food. It’s as if they only eat once a year. During festive seasons’ open houses.
But of course, our open house was a “closed” open house. Where mom invited her customers, by the hundreds; dad invited his friends from his Buddhist centre, by the hundreds; sister number 1 invited her friends, by the hundreds; and sister number 2 invited her friends by the tens, but ended up 100 of ‘em came. No less.
So yeah, it was one jolly mad house. Oh and on top of that, it poured in the afternoon, stopped in the evening, and poured again just when guest number 1 arrived. We were so in for a fun evening! Oh boy! Oh boy!
So because of the rain, everyone had to cramp inside our small sanctuary called home until it stopped. Jason and uncle became the ushers, all soaking wet, sheltering guests in with umbrellas.
Although wet, but everyone’s spirit was high as a howling wolf on a full moon night. Mom’s cooking, as usual, was praised and re-praised so many times; she’s fit for a Best Malaysian (Vegetarian) Cook Award. But, no cook can ever succeed without her helpers, and that’ll be my grandma, my aunt, and ME! We chopped, stuffed, cleaned, simmered, boiled, fried for hours on end to prepare those food that you ate tonight, my dears. Jason was impressed with my achievement - one frigging day in the kitchen, and actually looked busy! *beams*
All aunties and uncles were busy going around giving ang paus to my siblings. And I ain’t get no love at all! When one auntie came to know that I was married, she said “
oh, no wonder your mom was telling me only 3 ang paus is sufficient! You’re married!”
o_O
Auntie, my own mom said that?! No, don’t believe her lah. She’s joking with you only!
I went on hahaha-ing, and she went on hahaha-ing, and then moved away grabbing another auntie to talk to along the way. Nicely done.
So bummed. This year’s earning dropped by 90%. Mom said “
Ah, who ask you to get married? Get married no ang pau loh”. Blah, blah, blah. This Chinese custom, so calculative! It’s a conspiracy I tell you!
Jason was the star this evening. Guests were pointing and whispering from afar gesturing he’s the son-in-law. Mom was going around introducing Jason proudly:
my son-in-law, my son-in-law. She went from one person to the next so fast that he looked darn goofy with his head-nodding gesture.
I wasn’t spared either; dad was calling my name from all directions to introduce me to his friends.
This is my daughter! Then everyone will go like,
ohhhhhhhhhhhh so desu! Daughteru! So plittiee. So youngeru! And our wedding pictures were passed around like boxes of premium chocolates.
OK, I lied… They didn’t do the Japanese accent. But hey the “so pretty” part was real!
After rounds of introduction, and food were downed, everyone settled down in groups chatting away. I, of course settled down with another star of the night,
Polly. She was bummed too, not because she gets no ang pau, but because people had been patting her, hugging her, bringing her everywhere. And all she wanted was just to lie down and sleep. Worse, kids were poking her eyes and pulling her tail and tugging her fur! I took it upon myself to be her bouncer. Stayed with her so that she may rest in peace. Uh, sleep peacefully.
And that’s when I realized Jason was missing. Hmm… but there’s no pretty girls around…
My bro came to me just in time to send an SOS “
wei, go rescue Jason lah. You go outside and see, you go, you go,”
Eh? So I went out to the porch and saw this: Jason, a la stand-up comedian, except he was seated, surrounded by aunties and uncles, talking animatedly, making the crowd go bonkers laughing.
That went on for a long while, and of course I steered clear from his vision lest he’d pulled me in and make me the assistant comedian. When the clock struck 12 and its time to call it a night, aunties and uncles were lining up to shake his hand and bid farewell. And that’s the perfect time I cue in for a royal wave good bye (I love doing that! The good bye part makes me feel glamorous. Hehe)
“…Mr. Ho must be really proud to have you as a son-in-law!” said one of dad’s friend, “
really nice meeting you!” and proceeded to bow down.
“
…no wonder Leishia chose you as her husband!” said another uncle.
“
…come visit me some time. I’ll be glad to have you both as my guests,” offered one really nice lady.
Yes. It was THAT drama. But hilarious! You should be there to see that for yourself!
When everyone was gone, it was time for a post-mortem. Hehe. No lah, we just gathered to eat the leftovers and share the happenings. Polly joined in too and yapped happily in intervals and wagging tail when fed. That girl! Heh.
Everyone was beat. But we have to agree synonymously that it was one heck of an evening! I for one can’t wait till next year’s open house.
Hopefully by then the no-more-ang-pau-for-you culture shock will not be such a shocker anymore lah. Happy Chinese New Year!!!
P/S I don’t know why I’m wishing you guys so many times happy CNY in all my posts… but I guess that goes to show how much fun I had. Well I hope you enjoyed yours too as much as I had, and hey, tell me your stories! :)
> I met the best-in-JB-and-Singapore-and-some-say-Batam funny man. Very chiselled. Very handsome.
Crazy frog was in her Kancil car with a young male friend her age. When came to a junction to turn right, the traffic light turned red. So crazy frog positioned her car with her steering veered towards right, halted, and very much so obvious that she’s about to attempt a U-turn.
For a good 10 seconds, they both didn’t dare to move their heads. But being the curious crazy frog that she is, crazy frog decided to peep into the rear-view mirror carefully without so much of moving another muscle besides her eyes’.
